Recently I have seen a lot of dialogue in the blogsphere and on Youtube about black women being cruel to other black women (the black women as friends struggle stories).
Usually the dialogue contains the author’s ‘struggle’ to fit in with groups of black women for reasons such as their skin, their hair, their academic achievements, their ‘bourgeois’ aspirations and the way they speak. In other words the authors are not the ‘typical’ black women or they don’t fit into the ‘stereotypical’ black women guise; therefore black women as friends is an ‘issue.’
Whilst I can understand and appreciate the reasons these authors write or speak on these issues (i.e., their own experiences of not fitting in because of x, y and z have had a huge impact on them) and the end result is that they highlight these issues to encourage ‘others’ going through similar things to ‘do you’ and forget what ‘they’ (black women) say.
Now there are a few things I take umbrage with about these black women as friends struggle stories:
For one, usually the author’s who were discriminated against because they weren’t (aren’t) the stereotypical black women say things such as I’m a proud black women but:
I’m not loud
I’m not angry
I’m a calm person
I prefer the theatre to the rave
People tell me I don’t act black
People tell me I’m not black (surely if you feel your black, your black?)
Men are surprised I don’t get angry
I don’t know it just does not sit right with me; it’s like the authors are perpetuating further stereotypes by the nature of eliminating all the things that set them apart from other black women or ‘them’ (as one Youtuber recently put it).
I mean how can you profess to be a ‘proud black women’ whilst at the same time tarnishing the rest of us with the bitchy black women brush?
I mean what is this? I don’t understand *confused face*.
The second reason that I take umbrage is the fact that me as a black women; I have never really experienced this kind of ‘struggle’ or ‘issue’ (maybe I’m just lucky?).
Possibly it could be to do with the fact I grew up in Hackney in the 80’s. It’s a multicultural borough of London (black, white, yellow and green people reside there).
I had all kinds of friends growing up (black, white, green and yellow) some of my best friends were white growing up; but the majority of people (or girls) I hung around with whilst growin up were black girls, now women (and I’m not talking about black women that talked, looked and acted a certain way, i.e like me) I’ve had all kinds of black women as friends other the years.
Some of them I never imagined that as adults we would not be close; but don’t get me wrong there were no dramatic fallings out (as depicted by the authors of the black women as friends struggle stories).
No, as one expects the older we got our paths naturally separated (i.e., we went to different secondary schools, different colleges, and different universities. We moved to different areas, we got married, some of us had children, and some travelled the world) we just generally GREW UP.
I stress again there was (is) no beef! *I was shouting just then* (I am obviously a ‘stereotypical’ black women) 😀
Now that is not to say in any friendships there are no disagreements…but I guarantee you in all the friendships I have had with black girls and (now women); there was never any ‘oh she speaks like a white person, she is not black enough, we can’t be friends no more!’
Here’s another thing, I have for the past four (nearly five) years lived and worked in areas were black people are the minority and I can’t say I have noticed a difference in the prevalence of bitchiness in my office or amongst my neighbour’s.
Lets face it women; ALL women bitch, but when I read or see these things I think get a grip; if someone says to you I don’t like you because your not black enough, that person and only THAT PERSON alone is a FOOL (and let me tell you; you never lost out by not being friends with an ignoramus like that) – but please don’t paint me with the same brush; and make videos and posts encouraging an us (none typical black women) and them (all the other black women) mentality – PLEASE I BEG YOU!
Now after all this being said clearly the authors of the black women as friends struggle stories went through something however; I don’t know…
I just have a hard time believing that EVERY single black women (in the land) who did not get on with you (or vice versa YOU did not get on with them) was actually because of the reason’s you think it was (you trying to tell me every black women, really?)… if that makes sense. It could be for a number of other reasons, no?
But I’m open for others opinion’s on this…
So beautiful (black, white, green and yellow) people please share with us your black women as friends struggle stories!
*Disclaimer: ‘One love, one heart, lets get together and feel alright’